have you ever felt like an empty shell of yourself, as though all that you knew and trusted had been ripped from inside you and dumped unceremoniously on to the ground where it was then stomped on until it no longer existed as a recognizable being, but only as an ooze that could in no way live up to or even represent the strength you thought you possessed?

changing me

I have come to the sad realization that working at the Olive Garden has changed my opinion on a few things:
1. The more I serve people who profess to be a part of my religion the less I want to be a part of it.
2. My desire to have children has a direct negative correlation with the amount of time I work at the Olive Garden.
3. There is a similar correlation with my desire to ever be pregnant and the number of pregnant ladies I work with/serve/come into contact with/see.

? ? ?

I hate the emotional roller coaster that is my life. I should know from past experience that anytime I am creeping steadily higher and my happiness rate soars that I am, in fact, moments away from careening down some ninety degree incline leaving not only my stomach, but also my heart behind. I understand that to appreciate good/bad, bitter/sweet, elation/depression you must experience and understand both sides or you would not be able to recognize either in your life. But, is it really necessary for me to swing from one extreme to the other, couldn't there be a slightly more balanced way of having both in my life? Please?