curse you, boss.

I have known basically since January that in the fall I was not coming back to the school I have been teaching at for three years. Thank you crappy economy and thank you government for always cutting education spending before things like the prison system (God forbid the inmates who want to do nothing but rape society should have to eat leftovers). But, I was okay after I was placed at another school. Where I work now is hard, like really hard. How many times have you been called a "fucking bitch" at work because you wouldn't let a boy with woman issues walk all over you? How many times has someone you work with under the age of 20 died unexpectedly? How often have you watched a person you work with throw everything they have fought for away because they subconsciously want to sabotage their life? I would leave everyday feeling drained, and after three years of this I am tired. I don't want to do it anymore. And I have made myself feel okay about leaving, unaffected even, by focusing on all of that. The exhaustion, the frustrations, the bad. Then this week, our last week of school, my boss started doing things to honor those who are leaving. We were given gifts at the staff meeting, he said nice things and thanked us. One teacher who might be leaving, but doesn't know for sure, asked if she was a bad person for being sad that she wouldn't get a moment like that. The answer is of course no, she has put in so much time her she's earned one, but I was frustrated by the gifts because it forced me to think about the good I was leaving behind. The staff, my relationships with them, an amazing mentor. Then today I went to the senior lunch where this same boss asked all the graduates to tell us their plans and something they love about Summit. He also made those staff members who are leaving do the same. Yet again I was forced to face reality as I thought about the students I was leaving who made work so much fun. Who I talk about with my friends, family, and husband. Who I have watched grow and change and become amazing in their own rights. Who I got to have fun relationships with. And I cried. No, I wept, in front of all 20 of our graduates because they wouldn't be a part of my life anymore. Because there will never be students like them at a mainstream school. Because everything that I have known about teaching won't do me any good anymore. And I'm scared.

half-assed

I've decided that I am tired of students who do not put effort into things and then turn them in not fully completed, sometimes not even half completed. If they are not going to put effort in, neither am I. As of today I will not grade ANYTHING that is not complete.

boo-ya.