53. first week with my cameras

I'm working on taking more pictures. My two tools, or cameras if you will for this are the one on my iPhone and a Kodak M753 (baby digital camera perfect for people who are photo-ly retarded, like me). Here are a few of the pictures I took this week:

Anika and I went to a sushi place I'd never been to before, it was good, it is the one by Outback in Orem if anyone is interested.

We were the only people there (it was almost closing) and our waiter was hitting on us pretty hardcore, we seemed to throw him a little off his game. Example: he brought out my diet coke, Anika's wine, and two straws . . .

we had to take a picture.







These shots are from Monday when I worked 17 hours; 8 hours at school, 9 hours for Jon. This first one is Jack (my truck) inside the IPF at BYU, I was still giddy at this point. Shoots always
start so fun, but they turn into hard tedious work very quickly.













This is from about 11:30 pm when I have started to get a little loopy and the smoke has become mesmerizing.











This is from 12:30 am when we turned the lights back on to find we had created a foggy London day here at the BYU. Luckily they had turned off the smoke detectors . . . maybe we learned that was necessary on a previous shoot two summers ago . . .












Sometimes students (and teachers) need a little break. On those days we head to the park across the street from my school. It's pretty fun to see "cool, bad ass, high school kids" play like 4 year-olds =)









This one just feeds into my bizarre sense of humor. When I got home the other day the wind had blown all of the trash cans over. To e it looked like the aftermath of a shootout in the Old West.

49. Air Filter

Since I was hired at Summit in fall of '07 my projector has been over-heating because of an issue with the air filter. I asked a few of the boys (male teachers) if they knew where the air filter was and they said no. I stood on desks trying to understand what I might need to do and then yesterday I snapped. I went and got a ladder, climbed up, and began to investigate. I had thought I might need to take the projector down and unscrew things to find my filter, but once I could gaze down from above turns out that the filter slides easily in and out for cleaning! YAY!

101 in 1,001; yeah I can do that.

I came across this idea and thought it was great. 101 goals in 1001 days.
This is an experiment.
Create 101 goals you wish to accomplish in the next 1001 days. I will try to make, and link to, posts when I accomplish a goal.

white text means it has yet to be attempted
green text means it is in progress
red text means it is complete.


1. Teach Demon recall
2. Figure out if I want children
3. Do a colon cleanse with Anika
4. Watch Elizabeth Town with Anika
5. Read Jamie’s – Mamma Day, Jon’s - Bone, James - Screwtape Letters, Lesli’s – Circle of Friends, Mike’s – A River Runs Through It, and Anika’s – East of Eden favorite books
6. Travel outside of the US
7. Audition for Hale Center Theatre
8. Get called back
9. Go to Festival of Colors!
10. Figure out what I want to be when I grow up
11. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping from lack of air or boredom
12. Be able to write all the states and their capitals from memory
13. Memorize Oh Captain, My Captain and The Gettysburg Address, and if I get really freaking good, The Highwayman and Jabberwocky
14. ssh, it a secret *te he*
15. Get rid of all the duplicates on my desktop iTunes library
16. Maintain a journal for a year writing at least once a week, hopefully more (0/52)
17. Go to a drive-in movie theatre
18. Uh, yeah, this is a secret right now too, once I’ve completed it I’ll tell
19. Go to the temple once a month for a year (1/12)
20. Do the zip line in Boulder City
21. See the Grand Canyon
22. See Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse
23. Learn to hit a golf ball, driving range here I come!
24. Blog once a week for a year (2/52)
25. skinny dip in the ocean again
26. See Wicked
27. One month without eating out
28. Floss 5 out 7 days a week for 3 months (hopefully habit after that)
29. Spend two days in Disneyland
30. Go to California Adventure
31. Road trip! (2x)
32. Get my passport
33. Make three things at color me mine
34. Try 5 new recipes (0/5) I guess in my case it would be try 5 recipes
35. Kiss someone I’m into in the pouring rain
36. Send Christmas cards one year
37. Put $5 into my savings account for each goal I complete!
38. Maintain 141-143 pds for 2 months
39. Beat Chad at something other than the dot game
40. Read 25 real books (6/25) – does not include books for other goals
41. Give up something for lent (successfully)
42. Going alphabetically, watch every movie I own before I rent or buy another
43. Pay off my credit card
44. Have $3,000 in my savings account by 11-1-09
45. Organize my Dad’s books with a library catalog system like he asked me to two years ago.
46. Read BOM and D&C
47. Learn basic welding skills and create an item
48. Take a dance class
49. Fix the air filter on my freaking projector
50. Kiss the Blarney Stone (don’t tell me what other things people have done to it, I don’t want to know)
51. Watch the Yankees play ball in their stadium (I will not refer to the new thing as Yankee Stadium, they killed it)
52. Ride my bike three times a week one summer (despite the hill)
53. Use my camera far more often (2-3 times a week, if only for one picture)
54. Take my truck to play in the mud like I used to (0/5) (I’m sure he misses this)
55. Go shooting twice a month from April to September (2/36)
56. Record My grandparents talking about their lives
57. Go camping (1/3)
58. Watch 5 sunrises (0/5)
59. Watch 5 sunsets (0/5)
60. Leave 100 notes in library books to be discovered (0/100)
61. Go to a Zoo
62. Find my BA and frame it
63. Do a puzzle with Turkey
64. Go to a beach and lay out with Jamers (ah, to go back to San Diego)
65. Teach Demon to get shot and die
66. Clean out my closet
67. Try 10 new dishes at restaurants (1/10)
68. Fly my kite!
69. Leave a server a $50 tip =)
70. Do the splits, all three ways
71. Kiss someone at Midnight on New Years
72. Leave flowers for Grandpap
73. Go horse back riding
74. Sing Karaoke
75. Get my truck detailed (SO dirty)
76. Take a trip on a train
77. Get a motorcycle!
78. Go wakeboarding again
79. Take a photo of two people in love
80. Roast hotdogs over a campfire =)
81. Get a picture with Cosmo holding me where you can freaking see what he’s doing! (stupid freshman)
82. Play an entire game of chess
83. Make-out somewhere public where we could get caught
84. Make a necklace, anklet, and bracelet
85. Buy a French Connection T-shirt and wear it to work
86. Not get fired for T-Shirt
87. Finish The Screwtape Letters
88. Buy a bikini that makes me feel sexy
89. Do cardio twice a day for two weeks
90. See Hearst’s Castle
91. Go to the American History Museum in DC (it was closed when I lived there)
92. Dance in the moonlight to Dancing in the Moonlight
93. Learn to fly-fish
94. Kiss a man from all six inhabitable continents starting today (1/6) (North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa)
95. Get my concealed weapons permit
96. Participate in the ward book club at least 3 times (0/3)
97. Chocolate syrup and whipped cream
98. Hike Squaw Peak
99. Buy a personal laptop
100. Go to a National Park I haven’t been to before
101. Go to a GOOD rodeo


Start date: 3-5-09 End date: 12-1-11

=)

You know how some days just ROCK? It was one of those days! Aside from having a teacher from the district observe me and tell me, "it was a privilege" to be in my classroom today and offer to write me a letter of recommendation should I want one (I do, the man is a legend in the Alpine Social Studies world), I'm also having one of those days where I feel freaking hott! They are not that often, but since I've been working my ass off at the gym (literally and figuratively) there have been more. And, I got a new haircut compete with a purple stripe! Yeah, it's sweet, you wish you had a purple streak.

hmm.

I have several blogs that I love to follow. And fortunately about four of them post daily, but there are others that I wish posted far more often than they do. And, that made me wonder, do people actually read my blog and become disappointed when I go a month or six without posting? Most likely not, but you know, just in case . . . hello there! It's been a month, I'm sick and have been voiceless for an entire week. Try teaching without being able to talk, when no one but the government teacher knows ASL (that includes me, so I guess it doesn't matter that he can sign if I can't . . . meh). It's hard, kind of. I had to copy packets (BORING) for the kids and I get their attention by whistling and/or clapping. This method is actually working way, WAY better than I ever thought it would, and by some strange bit of luck, the kids are quieter when they're working. Maybe they they despise being clapped at, if so I'm sticking that trick in my back pocket. Actually, maybe I should sell my secret and become rich!

time out.

Yup, yesterday we had two students get placed in time out. I guess this is part of being a concept school, you do things a little differently. I laughed really, really hard. =)

TAMNERS ROCKS!

Hey anyone who actually reads this blog, TAMN over at Seriously so Blessed is having another spectacular give away so click the link and check it out!

http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/2008/12/on-1rst-day-of-christmas-my-moprah-gave.html

exactly one year ago today.

That was the last time I saw James. I miss him.

so much.

silence, ahhhh.

My fifth period is my rowdiest class. They are incapable of shutting up. Some days I handle it very well, other days they push me over the edge. Today after telling them 6 times what page to open their book to I changed my lesson plan on the fly. Instead of the super easy mapping activity with colored pencils they will now read and answer questions, while on silence! Okay, first I asked them to raise their hands if they were over 16 ALL of them did, then I asked why people who were basically adults could not follow a very simple direction. one of the students told me it was because they were immature, had selective hearing, and didn't want to. I asked how well they thought that was going to work out for them today, they said not well seeing as they could tell I was pissed.

They were right. But, the silence is SO golden.

huh.

Okay, so the plan to not tell him lasted until I saw him tonight . . .

Think I'm weak, I don't care! It was necessary to explain a few things. Plan schmam, humph.

"there is wishful thinking in hell as on earth."

And, let's face it, sometimes what we are going through on earth is hell, but still the wishful thinking remains. I have chosen in my 24 years to make my dating life as awkward/difficult as possible. The latest in the line having a missionary on a two-year mission where our only communication is through letters while dating another guy (both knew about each other). That has been going on for 10 months, but it stopped when the guy here ended our relationship Thursday evening.

We had gone to an office party (his) where I had to meet a bunch of people, for me meeting new people is stressful and I'd rather just stick in my little box and say screw the world, its even worse when you are meeting people that you feel its important to make a good impression on. After the party we came back to my house and watched a TV show on DVD, cuddled, etc., and then suddenly he says, "Has anything changed with - - - - -?"

"Do you mean am I still in love with him?"

"yes"

"yes"

It was all down hill from there ending with me wanting to know if things were the same with the missionary before I could really pick one or the other and him not interested in hanging around another year to find out. I understand where he's coming from, but I also hate where he's coming from because I'm in love with him as well, but it doesn't change that I want to see the other guy. I never really believed you could be in love with two men at once and I think that is why it took me so long to realize the extent of my feelings for the second guy. Here's the tricky part, he doesn't know that I love him because I never had the chance to tell him and it does nothing to help either of us out, it just adds another sick twist to my soap opera and I'm interested in moving into a classier category.

I want him back. I feel empty like I did when the missionary left. I'm tired of having a sucky love life. The only real solution I've come up with is me getting to keep them both. I know you're thinking that sounds mildly selfish and a lot illegal, but my theory is that first I start a new religion in which I can have two husbands (men did this forever, or in several different time periods, so I feel like I should get a shot) and then we could just live quietly and not be creepy or brainwash little kids like the polygamists. I'm postivive that if those people can fly under the radar I can too. Sure I have to figure out how this factors into my true faith, but this plan is my wishful thinking on earth, the earth that very recently became hell.

good lord, I work at a junior high.

EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WILL FOLLOW

For those who do not know me well I do curse, I try to control it to a point, but when I am pissed it flows forth.

In reality I'm not sure how long I can keep teaching, I don't wake up feeling excited to go to work, mostly I wake up resigned. I don't know if this is because I work at a concept school with at risk youth, or if I would feel the same in a main stream school with an honors class or two. I don't know, wish I did. I loved teaching in D.C., but maybe I just loved D.C. so much it didn't matter what else was happening. Most days I like teaching okay, but there are days when I never want to come back again. Today, is almost one of those days.

Basically I'm annoyed and disgusted by the drama that happens in my school. It feels like I have been transported back to sixth grade because after that kids usually start to mature and use common sense, not at this school. Right now we have about 65 students ranging between 14 and 19 years old, emotionally most of them are coming up on 12. Here's today's particular drama. Sam and Jen broke up and now Jen is with Sammie (note the similar yet different names, while they are changed it is reflective of the real names), who is a poser/compulsive liar/whiner/worthless sack of shit. Who wouldn't want to be with a boy like that?!?! In fairness Sam isn't exactly a real winner either, but he is a much nicer person than Sammie, and less of a pain in the ass in class (HUGE factor in teachers' favorites poll). Sam seems to really be at least somewhat involved in a gang, Sammie couldn't bang if his life depended on it he'd get the shit beat out of him on an hourly basis; but doing and pretending so one can look cool are two very different things. Sammie has people convinced that he is, in fact, involved in a gang that is a rival of Sam's gang.

So while the boys battle a little bit about Jen they stick more to gang stuff. Except, Sam seems to actually be trying to stay out of trouble while Sammie just wants to look big. Sammie and company were yelling things during 5th period that mean ______ killer and Sam, who was in my class ignored it for the first little bit before getting pissed and saying that he wasn't yelling _____ killer at them so what the . . . (at that point I lost interest and he started cursing [not allowed in my class] so I don't feel like typing it out). So I closed the door and the teacher from next door took Sammie to visit the vice principal. Next thing I know Junior, who always wants to be involved so he can look cool, comes back from getting a drink to relay two messages, "Sam, Jen says if you don't shut your mouth you're going to be in even deeper shit than you are already." and "Jose says he's waiting for you." Splendid. So I have to leave my class to regulate in the hallway where Jen is sitting outside the class she is in doing nothing with the door closed. Does anyone see a problem with that!?!? What the hell? These kids are NEVER supposed to be unsupervised, thanks lazy-ass teacher. And Jose is talking to her holding a hall pass. So I ask where he is supposed to be and he shows me the hall pass. "That's not what I asked, whose class are you in, Jack's?" He finally admits that is where he is supposed to be so I open the door to Jen's class and inform the teacher that Jen needs to come inside because she is sending threatening messages to students in my class. Jen cursed some, I think she said it was bullshit, I thought, "funny I was thinking the same thing." Then I took Jose back to Jack's and it turns out he only had permission to go to the bathroom (no where near my room or where Jen had been) so his teacher was ticked and told him that if he so much as heard a rumor that Sammie or Jose had even talked to Sam he would make sure they were suspended. Two down.

I then go back to my room and I am so annoyed that it is radiating off of me and one of the kids goes, "you look mad."

"I am pissed! I feel like I work at a freaking middle school with all this drama, it's bullshit! I picked high school so I could come and teach, this day has been pathetic, have you even learned anything today?!?!? *stunned silence*

"Yes" in unison.

"Name one thing." *more silence*

"They had pretty crappy houses in the 1600's." I laughed, but I also hung my head.

the dance

I have no photo to accompany this, but I really wish I did. Each night there is a hilarious little dance that happens at my house. The dance consists of Jamie chasing Demon around trying to pick him up while he darts around like a humming bird trying to avoid her, all the while she is yelling, "I just want to love you!" I usually just stand there and laugh, but last night I had mercy on her and suggested she corner him in a room, low and behold she got him =).

It might seem silly, but little things like that are what make life good. Just like I look forward to the two day drive I take every year in the summer with my grandmother and aunt to the Oregon Coast literally all year, I laugh so much those two days. And, I control the radio. That seems dumb, but I'm the youngest of not only my immediate family, but also my extended one so control over anything with them is a big damn deal.

Anyway, the point is I don't need huge things that make me smile, to make me happy, or to make me realize that I have a good life. What I need are all the little things, like the nightly dance.

helper dog!

Most dogs can just be in the way when you are trying to accomplish things, I'm SO lucky my dog isn't like that. This is from Monday night while Demon helps Dan put together Jamie's dresser. Dan was incredibly grateful for the assistance. =)

little devil update.

This is Demon attacking my mother's 32pd jack russel. 1 and 1/2 pds vs 32pds . . . so even

Can I just say that I LOVE having a dog? He is so much fun, and he's so freaking cute! All last week while I was prepping for the start of school I brought him in to work with me and he charmed everyone, but alas, I couldn't bring him once students came back so for the past two days I've left him with the music teacher at my school's wife. There are three little boys for him to play with and he comes home exhausted from a day of running around. But, when I drop him off he's so sad, he whines and squirms trying to get back to me as I leave. HOW DO MOMS EVER LEAVE THEIR KIDS AT DAYCARE?!?!?! I just want my little dog with me all the time. Don't mock me, I love my dog. And yes, I carry him around in a purse . . . but only like to the movies . . . and restaurants . . . and stores . . . okay maybe everywhere I can.

This is what I call the "fat and fluffy" picture. Its right after his bath, that's when he's fluffiest.

who needs a baby?

So Demon does pretty well at night considering he is six weeks old. He usually wakes up around 10:30 pm and then sleeps until 5:40-6:00 am depending. I am tired from only being woken up twice in the night to take care of a "baby" I can't even imagine how moms do their job.

But, I think part of it has to do with moments like this, where there little guys are sleeping and look sweet and innocent. This picture is from this morning. He does not sleep the whole night in my bed, he just gets to snuggle up after his 6:00 am potty time. Seriously, how adorable it that?

puppy update

I have him, he is mine! And he's so cute it is basically unreal.

why utah, WHY?!?!

I would just like to know why approximately 96% of all public restrooms in Utah DO NOT have toilet seat covers? I know we're about 10 years behind the rest of the country on everything, but it feels like public hygiene should rate a little higher.

Plus I hate spending 2 minutes and 12 seconds creating the seat cover before I can pee. Sometimes I wish I was a boy . . . then I could write my name in the snow (a life-long dream) too.

DEMON

This is a very exciting post because it accomplishes two things. First, Shelly showed me how to upload a photo. Second, this is my puppy, Demon!

Yea!

so really, this is my life?

I haven't been on here in . . . a really long time. I guess that is because I have a tendency to only write when I am extremely happy, or extremely sad; currently I am lost, confused, and trying to come out of it all standing on both feet.

In a shocking turn of events for my life I fell in love. AND, more importantly it was with someone who loves me back with equal (until the past few months his feelings were actually stronger than mine) intensity. He makes me feel complete. I want to be a better person because of him, I want to be worthy of him, or what I think he deserves. What blows my mind is that he truly believes that I am some sort of amazing person who he is "so lucky" to have. go figure, a boy who actually loves you more than himself and wants to be sweet and giving in a relationship. (That last sentence should give you an idea of the type of male I usually am attached to.) So the happy news here is that he loves me and wants to be with me (and I with him), but the tricky part is that he received medical clearence to serve a two-year mission for our church.

First, I want to point out that it is SO important for boys to serve a mission, the lessons they learn in those two years lay an important foundation for the rest of their lives and there really is no other way to learn them. The knowledge of scriptures, learning to serve others, study habits, conflict resolution, learning to deal with people who desire nothing more than to be a mill stone around your neck; it all makes you stronger, more patient, more understanding. Besides the fact that all young men who are able are encouraged to serve missions by a living prophet of God, the man is a little important and seems to have some good things to say, almost like he was inspired or something.

Here's what sucks for me, I have already done this before. I played the missionary bingo and lost hardcore, it really is FAR better that way, had I married idiot #1 we both would have been miserable, but you would think that I would have the luck to never go through that again. Its like being struck by freaking lightening twice! Seriously, that has to have about the same odds of happening to a girl. So now here I sit, a little over two months into this two-year thing, and I worry. I worry that he will think I'm not spiritual enough, not good enough. I worry that it won't work out, honestly right now in my mind there is nothing worse, nothing, than me not being able to be with him for the rest of eternity. But what if that is not what God has planned for me? I have had strong feelings that everything will work out so that we can be together, but I am afraid to pray about something that seems so far distant to me. There is so much that can happen to affect both of our lives in the next two years.

I have been spending our time apart thus far trying to improve myself so that I can be ready when he gets back. Mostly that means trying to learn and strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There are some days where I think I am getting somewhere and some days where I am simply lost. I kind of figure that is how all growth and learning goes though. If I'm wrong, please don't tell me yet, let me live in my delusions for the time being that is how I'm getting by. I have also realized as I try to learn more about the gospel how stinking little I know about the gospel. And trying to be a good person is hard, no one else cares that you are trying to improve, most of the world will do nothing to help you, but everything to hinder you. That is why it is important to find friends who lift you up. James was one of those for me when he was here, and now that he is gone memories of what we shared and hopes for our future help to encourage me a lot.

I guess really, I should be happy for the difference he made in my life no matter what the eventual cost. A heartbreak over someone who means as much to me as he does might just break me. I have never felt a love for anyone the way I do about him. Having so much invested is what makes it absolutely petrifying, but what can make it so amazing . . . providing I can last and not have my head explode over worrying.

I have to let it be because I can not control it. Telling myself that over and over does not seem to help. Maybe if I just keep saying it I'll be able to do it. i have to let this be, worrying will not change how it is going and may in fact screw it all up. let it be. sleep.