betterthanlynn

Demon Dog

2011-05-10T18:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my Demon baby's third birthday, but he wasn't here to see it. I miss him everyday.

Everyday.

curse you, boss.

2010-05-26T13:20:00.001-07:00

I have known basically since January that in the fall I was not coming back to the school I have been teaching at for three years. Thank you crappy economy and thank you government for always cutting education spending before things like the prison system (God forbid the inmates who want to do nothing but rape society should have to eat leftovers). But, I was okay after I was placed at another school. Where I work now is hard, like really hard. How many times have you been called a "fucking bitch" at work because you wouldn't let a boy with woman issues walk all over you? How many times has someone you work with under the age of 20 died unexpectedly? How often have you watched a person you work with throw everything they have fought for away because they subconsciously want to sabotage their life? I would leave everyday feeling drained, and after three years of this I am tired. I don't want to do it anymore. And I have made myself feel okay about leaving, unaffected even, by focusing on all of that. The exhaustion, the frustrations, the bad. Then this week, our last week of school, my boss started doing things to honor those who are leaving. We were given gifts at the staff meeting, he said nice things and thanked us. One teacher who might be leaving, but doesn't know for sure, asked if she was a bad person for being sad that she wouldn't get a moment like that. The answer is of course no, she has put in so much time her she's earned one, but I was frustrated by the gifts because it forced me to think about the good I was leaving behind. The staff, my relationships with them, an amazing mentor. Then today I went to the senior lunch where this same boss asked all the graduates to tell us their plans and something they love about Summit. He also made those staff members who are leaving do the same. Yet again I was forced to face reality as I thought about the students I was leaving who made work so much fun. Who I talk about with my friends, family, and husband. Who I have watched grow and change and become amazing in their own rights. Who I got to have fun relationships with. And I cried. No, I wept, in front of all 20 of our graduates because they wouldn't be a part of my life anymore. Because there will never be students like them at a mainstream school. Because everything that I have known about teaching won't do me any good anymore. And I'm scared.

half-assed

2010-05-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I am tired of students who do not put effort into things and then turn them in not fully completed, sometimes not even half completed. If they are not going to put effort in, neither am I. As of today I will not grade ANYTHING that is not complete.

boo-ya.

giveaway.

2010-04-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

Not mine, its over at Thestepfordchild. Check it out!!!

#9 festival of colors.

2010-04-11T13:17:00.001-07:00

The car STILL has colors in it.

another one.

2010-04-02T10:41:00.000-07:00

I lost another student. He died of liver failure and complications from diabetes. He was 19.

I have started to wonder what it is like to have student stories like, so and so just got into UCLA or is making a difference in the community. My stories are so and so died, was stabbed, executed (happened last year), is back in jail, or is back on drugs. The good kids here go home and disappear for the most part, but one of the stories listed above was one of our "good kids." I am emotionally empty from working here. Please don't tell people, but I am grateful that they don't have the funding to keep me next year. I want a job, but not this one. I can't take it anymore.

things i'm fond of.

2010-01-08T10:22:00.000-08:00

I was lying in bed the other day, right after the alarm had gone off, snuggled up to my husband when I thought, "on the list of things I'm fond of you're pretty high up there." If I was to be truly honest I'd have to say he's at the top of said list. =)

I think the eyes have something to do with it . . .

travis.

2009-12-11T07:17:00.000-08:00

I had a student pass away right before Thanksgiving. I found out through a slightly awkward series of events, but in the end it was better because I was able to go to my room and have a breakdown before the staff meeting when everyone was told. Which means I just sobbed silently in the meeting which is not what happened in my classroom. He was my favorite. That's right I said it, teachers have favorites, you've known it your whole life, but I just confirmed it for you. Anyway, this Monday one of his other teachers found an assignment that Travis had done his first day at our school. It was to write 20 "I am" statements in less than 5 minutes. 1-19 we're cute or truthful, 20 made me cry again.

Here are his words:

1. I am Travis *********

2. I am a drug addict

3. I am irresponsible

4. I am skateboarding today

5. I am the youngest child

6. I am 18 years of age

7. I am a genius

8. I am wearing a lot of black

9. I am original

10. I am different

11. I am unorthodox

12. I am getting my G.E.D.

13. I am happy today

14. I am excited about this class

15. I am Gentle

16. I am Kind

17. I am down to earth

18. I am unaffected by teenage drama

19. I am a prophet of some sort

20. I am destined to do great things

He was.

cowboys.

2009-10-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I was driving back to Utah from California and in Winnemucca I stopped at Chevron for gas. They were having some serious issues and their pumps weren't working so after wasting about ten minutes there I went across the street to the Flying J to try my luck. I got lucky and found a pump, but to grab it I had to pull in with my tank on the opposite side of the pump. When I hopped out to start filling up I discovered that the hose wouldn't reach. I stood there exhausted, frustrated, and unsure of what to do because trying to turn around meant losing the pump and getting back in line and I just wanted to leave. Then a man came up to me. He was tall and slim, wearing wranglers, boots, and a straw cowboy hat. He said, "won't reach, huh?" "Well, you get in your truck and flip around and I'll stand here and hold your pump."

I melted. With relief, with gratitude, with the knowledge that there are kind people out there still willing to help a lady in distress.

I told him thank you, but I wish I could do more, or that I knew more about him. What I do know is that if I have boys I'm going to raise them to be like this cowboy because the world would be a better place if we all had a little more cowboy in us.

=)

2009-10-04T06:21:00.001-07:00

30 days

grrr.

2009-09-22T19:08:00.000-07:00

I just shattered the top part off the crystal heart bead I was going to use as an accent on Joy's anklet. freakn' a. =(

REE!!

2009-09-11T12:04:00.001-07:00

Lesli and I are going to Salt Lake Nov 4 to buy some cookbooks and meet a lady whose life I kinda want. I'm so excited!!

Read her amazing blog here

hmm

2009-09-10T22:12:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how certain songs will always transport you back to a time long past in your life and you will able to smell what you did then and feel what you did then and sometimes when you do this you will miss that moment so much that it is painful?

Benton Paul = student teaching in DC and being so happy that I never wanted it to end.

Don't Go

ick.

2009-09-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

You know what I don't like? Lemon cake, lemon bars, lemon cookies. Why? No idea, I just DON'T.

You what I do like though? Lemon drops, Dumbledore and I are on the same page there.

Ya, I'm weird, get over it.

block.

2009-09-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

I blocked someone for the first time ever this week, felt nice =)

Mostly cause the person is a creep.

i'm so proud of me!

2009-08-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

I cooked today! I made baked beans from this post and they were

awesome! I love this lady's blog, I feel like I know her, thank you internet for providing us with a whole new type of celebrity.

sigh

2009-08-23T21:12:00.000-07:00

School has started and I am so tired! Why on earth are weekends so short?

buhahahaha!

2009-08-11T22:30:00.001-07:00

Uh, good luck with that =)

i don't want to.

2009-08-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

I have to go back to work in less than a week. stupid. =(

chasing seagulls.

2009-08-03T17:55:00.000-07:00

Its so frustrating when you know you can catch seagulls if the people will just let you off your leash! My brother's freakishly long legs do an excellent job of keeping up with the wee Demon beastie.

#57 go camping.

2009-08-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

We went to Anchor Bay this past week and camped on the beach. We had 12 people, 4 camp sites, and more crap than I thought possible to pack. We did have several people coveting our kitchen, what with the 3 dutch ovens and 2 camp stoves totaling 5 burners that are from the 40's.

ah, beth cooper.

2009-08-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

Just finished this book, it was funny. As in, freaking hilarious! And a little crude . . . but, if you can look past that and you feel like you want to laugh out loud, pick it up.

okay, a lot crude. It's written about teenagers, what did you expect?

just as bad the second time around.

2009-08-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

I tried people, I really did.

Still strongly dislike this book.

Sorry.

But it was funny when my three year old nephew asked if I was reading a horsey book, I had never really bothered to look at the cover. He looked at me like I was crazy when I explained what it was about and why I was reading it. He might have been right.

well, that's annoying.

2009-08-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

I just got onto my mother's computer so I could upload a short video I am in love with, but since she NEVER updates her Mac it couldn't even connect to my phone so I could put the video on and then transfer it here.

*sigh with eye roll*

Maybe tomorrow.

hmmm.

2009-07-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

Why is it that in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, the prince is WAY more attractive as a beast than he is as a human prince? Can someone please explain that to me?

2009-07-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what to title this entry. It's been a very depressing week, most of which I'd like to forget. The highlight being yesterday hanging out with Liz, serving in the cafe so I got off early, and watching fireworks. Life seems pretty great when you're looking up into the sky to see magical bursts of colorful light =)

Too bad they always end.

summer love.

2009-06-27T09:21:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite things about summer is the time I have to read. I love reading, I come from a house where I basically never checked out books from a library even for school reports because I didn't need to, we had so many books at home I was covered. I love to stay up late into the night reading until my eyes burn and I'm fighting sleep to get through just one more chapter. My students hate to read. I don't understand it. I'm grateful I have the escape, and I'm grateful my parents instilled in all their children a love for the written word.

damn.

2009-06-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

I missed a week, looks like I'll be starting over on that one. *sigh*

91. American History Museum, Washington D.C.

2009-06-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

I love D.C. and I love that I just spent a week there! I had a blast with Shelly and 30 other teachers from my District. We had classes once a day and then toured around a little.

We saw Mt Vernon

Monuments at nightThe Library of Congress

The Capitol this is my foot in the center of D.C. directly under the Capitol's dome

The Berlin Wall (part of it)
Ford's Theatre

AND The American History Museum!!Yeah, Dumbo is there, who knew? And A bunch of first lady dresses (but not all of the ones they have are out. I think they put Hilary's away because everyone knew she had altered the sucker to appear thinner, we all know you're fat Hil, we don't like you either way.) Sadly my camera died right as I got to Kermit. I was heart broken.

15. see ya, dups.

2009-05-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

I'll add the before and after pictures later, but I'm so proud of myself for sitting down and doing this cause it was freaking boring!!

wtf?

2009-05-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not even sure how this works . . .

I really want to show this to my Geography classes =)

see more Fail Blog

rerun

2009-05-24T01:33:00.000-07:00

I just started back at the Olive Garden and I have been quickly reminded of a few things:

1. People still suck.
a. white trash
b. teen agers
c. cheap-ass bastards who tip 10%, or sometimes less

2. Julia will never quit the Olive Garden
This lady is in her 80's and has been working there for 20-someodd-years!! The managers are genuinely afraid she is going to die on shift. And as an added sad/creepyness factor, she announced tonight that she is pretty sure she'll be dying soon . . .

3. I have to wind down for at least three hours after a shift before I can go to bed.

4. Even though the customers suck the other servers are awesome.
a. Clint spotting the Romulan at 112
b. Johnny pouring an entire pitcher of water down his side resulting in a pouch that put
forth a steady stream of water for about 60 seconds straight.

5. Kids are still like animals at the Zoo.
a. Best when you can go and visit them, not when you bring them home.

working on it.

2009-05-17T06:21:00.000-07:00

This week I started working on some other goals from my 101 list, get rid of duplicates in my iTunes library and upping my savings account. To do the savings (and pay off a new purchase) I'm starting work back at the Olive Garden today. No, I'm not done teaching for the year, no I'm not very excited. I'm the opposite of excited because I would way rather not work and have a summer of fun, and the spiritual low times of my life were when I was working at the O.G.. But sometimes when you're an adult you have to do things you're not excited about. I've been praying for extra help so that I can not back slide like crazy this time, so if you're that sort of person and you happen to think of my while you're on your knees it might be helpful. And I'd appreciate it.

The ol' iTunes is not as smart as I once thought it can't tell the difference between movements on classical pieces so an entire cd sometimes shows up as dups instead of being listed as four seperate songs with multiple movements. I solved that by putting "a," "b," "c," etc. The only problem is that takes ages to do. Other songs I try to get rid of the live version (usually doesn't sound as good) or the one without album art. If that doesn't work I just pick one at random to delete. Only 722 more to go!

so close.

2009-05-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

3 WEEKS UNTIL SUMMER!!!!!!!!

Bo Yah!

circus.

2009-04-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

I work in a circus. Today Kesha and her boyfriend were in the hall doing whatever weird little kids do and the next thing I know she is in my room telling me that he has bit her on the butt. She related the entire story to me, which involved other things that led into the biting and sat down. About 90 seconds later she screams, "he broke the skin, I'm bleeding!" I did what any trained professional would do at that moment, I laughed so hard my eyes teared up. I hid my face behind my hand, if that makes it any better. =)

And I let her get a band-aid.

#18. one of my secrets; pass Praxis

2009-04-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

The Praxis is the test the decides if I am truly qualified to teach history. I am not a good test taker, so I hate that this is the method of assessment the gay-ass government chose. I took it once during my last semester on campus and missed the passing score by two points. Since each question is weighted differently that could be one question or two questions, I don't know. What I do know is that I was very discouraged by it especially since the test was on US and World History, as in all of it. They randomly selected questions and there was one civilization I hadn't even heard of, apparently I was sleeping that day in sophomore world history. I think I was more upset that I would have to take the test again.

This time after being there for three hours, having no breakfast, and having some lady follow me to the bathroom and stand outside while I peed; I PASSED! YAY! Worth it!

spring city, ut

2009-04-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

My mom came to spend my spring break with me this past week and we had a blast! On Thursday we went to Richfield to see my brother and took the scenic route through Manti. One of the places we stopped to look was Spring City. The entire town is on the Historical Register and main street looks something like this; house, house, sheep grazing in a pasture, house, bank.

. . .I took a picture.

. . . And I laughed.

. . . A lot.

81. cosmo pic(s)

2009-04-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

Love it, love him, love us!

how i know i'm not like all the other girls.

2009-04-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was cleaning my bathroom when I looked down and realized that these were the objects jumbled around on the counter. Perfume, make-up, tooth brush, shotgun shells . . .

stacking days.

2009-03-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have tried to let a lot of things at work roll off and go by, but today I feel like everything that I had pushed aside dropped back down on my shoulders and I did not handle it very well. Nothing happened that on its own would have caused me to cry, but several small things pushed me beyond what I could handle and now I am broken. I was told by a student in front of the Vice Principal that it didn't matter what I said because the VP out ranked me (he was doing a piss poor job of backing me up at the time, thanks asshole), the food I had left for breakfast was stolen by someone who thought they were funny (they weren't), the face of my iPhone shattered yesterday (which voids the warranty, fuck you too AT&T), and I have had a few personal things happen (rejected 2x, huge secret from a friend that shook me).

I spent most of fourth period in the staff room with another teacher because I couldn't handle what I needed to do while a TA watched my class. After explaining most of what was happening the other teacher told me that at his house they call those stacking days. I thought it was perfect for how I felt. And, it sounded a lot better to me than broken day, cause let's face it, I am right now and I'd rather deny it.

why I play in cemeteries.

2009-03-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl I used to go to work with my Daddy. He is a contractor and among the things he did/does is digging graves. It took until I was about 12 to figure out it was not the norm to grow up playing in a cemetery, let alone be lifted down into the hole to clean up sticks and roots that were not visually appealing. Luckily when I did figure all this out it was a sort of silent revelation so there were no social consequences, which let's face it, at 12 would have been monumental.

I went for a bike ride on Saturday and I'm glad that I did for a few reasons, the amazing weather, the chance to finally explore the Provo cemetery, and another chance to fall deeper in love with my iPhone. =)

I love the angel seen above, she was even more beautiful in person.

Anchors away! I would like to think this stone belong to an ex Navy man.

I thought this stone was a lovely color so I snapped a few shots.

This one drew me in, the gargantuan granite ball fascinated me.

fuck it.

2009-03-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

I just tried three times to upload some pictures I took this week, but to no avail. I have a massive headache because something that really upset me just happened. It's crappy outside. I have to teach a subject I've never taught starting tomorrow. There's still 10 weeks left of school. My best friends are not where I can contact them right now. AND the one random frill purchase I wanted this month was sold out by the time I got there. bastards.

4. Elizabethtown and 23. Golf balls

2009-03-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

Last night after roller skating with Mike (much harder than I remember it being, FYI. AND there are far too high a number of freakishly good roller skaters here, stupid jumpy/spinner guy.) Anika and I watched Elizabethtown, loved it!

This is the Demon Dog, me, and Anika prior to the screening.

Today Chad and Scott took me to the driving range with them, I don't keep my head down, *sigh* that is going to be a long one if I intend to master it with any degree of skill.

more pictures! I love #53!

2009-03-12T12:46:00.000-07:00

The new decorations in my classroom that will stay up for probably the rest of the year.

Zach and my blue/green tentaclie ball

5th period class minus Kelsee

53. first week with my cameras

2009-03-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

I'm working on taking more pictures. My two tools, or cameras if you will for this are the one on my iPhone and a Kodak M753 (baby digital camera perfect for people who are photo-ly retarded, like me). Here are a few of the pictures I took this week:

Anika and I went to a sushi place I'd never been to before, it was good, it is the one by Outback in Orem if anyone is interested.

We were the only people there (it was almost closing) and our waiter was hitting on us pretty hardcore, we seemed to throw him a little off his game. Example: he brought out my diet coke, Anika's wine, and two straws . . .

we had to take a picture.

These shots are from Monday when I worked 17 hours; 8 hours at school, 9 hours for Jon. This first one is Jack (my truck) inside the IPF at BYU, I was still giddy at this point. Shoots always
start so fun, but they turn into hard tedious work very quickly.

This is from about 11:30 pm when I have started to get a little loopy and the smoke has become mesmerizing.

This is from 12:30 am when we turned the lights back on to find we had created a foggy London day here at the BYU. Luckily they had turned off the smoke detectors . . . maybe we learned that was necessary on a previous shoot two summers ago . . .

Sometimes students (and teachers) need a little break. On those days we head to the park across the street from my school. It's pretty fun to see "cool, bad ass, high school kids" play like 4 year-olds =)

This one just feeds into my bizarre sense of humor. When I got home the other day the wind had blown all of the trash cans over. To e it looked like the aftermath of a shootout in the Old West.

49. Air Filter

2009-03-06T14:38:00.001-08:00

Since I was hired at Summit in fall of '07 my projector has been over-heating because of an issue with the air filter. I asked a few of the boys (male teachers) if they knew where the air filter was and they said no. I stood on desks trying to understand what I might need to do and then yesterday I snapped. I went and got a ladder, climbed up, and began to investigate. I had thought I might need to take the projector down and unscrew things to find my filter, but once I could gaze down from above turns out that the filter slides easily in and out for cleaning! YAY!

101 in 1,001; yeah I can do that.

2009-03-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

I came across this idea and thought it was great. 101 goals in 1001 days.
This is an experiment.
Create 101 goals you wish to accomplish in the next 1001 days. I will try to make, and link to, posts when I accomplish a goal.

white text means it has yet to be attempted
green text means it is in progress
red text means it is complete.

1. Teach Demon recall
2. Figure out if I want children
3. Do a colon cleanse with Anika
4. Watch Elizabeth Town with Anika
5. Read Jamie’s – Mamma Day, Jon’s - Bone, James - Screwtape Letters, Lesli’s – Circle of Friends, Mike’s – A River Runs Through It, and Anika’s – East of Eden favorite books
6. Travel outside of the US
7. Audition for Hale Center Theatre
8. Get called back
9. Go to Festival of Colors!
10. Figure out what I want to be when I grow up
11. Be able to run 5 miles without stopping from lack of air or boredom
12. Be able to write all the states and their capitals from memory
13. Memorize Oh Captain, My Captain and The Gettysburg Address, and if I get really freaking good, The Highwayman and Jabberwocky
14. ssh, it a secret *te he*
15. Get rid of all the duplicates on my desktop iTunes library
16. Maintain a journal for a year writing at least once a week, hopefully more (0/52)
17. Go to a drive-in movie theatre
18. Uh, yeah, this is a secret right now too, once I’ve completed it I’ll tell
19. Go to the temple once a month for a year (1/12)
20. Do the zip line in Boulder City
21. See the Grand Canyon
22. See Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse
23. Learn to hit a golf ball, driving range here I come!
24. Blog once a week for a year (2/52)
25. skinny dip in the ocean again
26. See Wicked
27. One month without eating out
28. Floss 5 out 7 days a week for 3 months (hopefully habit after that)
29. Spend two days in Disneyland
30. Go to California Adventure
31. Road trip! (2x)
32. Get my passport
33. Make three things at color me mine
34. Try 5 new recipes (0/5) I guess in my case it would be try 5 recipes
35. Kiss someone I’m into in the pouring rain
36. Send Christmas cards one year
37. Put $5 into my savings account for each goal I complete!
38. Maintain 141-143 pds for 2 months
39. Beat Chad at something other than the dot game
40. Read 25 real books (6/25) – does not include books for other goals
41. Give up something for lent (successfully)
42. Going alphabetically, watch every movie I own before I rent or buy another
43. Pay off my credit card
44. Have $3,000 in my savings account by 11-1-09
45. Organize my Dad’s books with a library catalog system like he asked me to two years ago.
46. Read BOM and D&C
47. Learn basic welding skills and create an item
48. Take a dance class
49. Fix the air filter on my freaking projector
50. Kiss the Blarney Stone (don’t tell me what other things people have done to it, I don’t want to know)
51. Watch the Yankees play ball in their stadium (I will not refer to the new thing as Yankee Stadium, they killed it)
52. Ride my bike three times a week one summer (despite the hill)
53. Use my camera far more often (2-3 times a week, if only for one picture)
54. Take my truck to play in the mud like I used to (0/5) (I’m sure he misses this)
55. Go shooting twice a month from April to September (2/36)
56. Record My grandparents talking about their lives
57. Go camping (1/3)
58. Watch 5 sunrises (0/5)
59. Watch 5 sunsets (0/5)
60. Leave 100 notes in library books to be discovered (0/100)
61. Go to a Zoo
62. Find my BA and frame it
63. Do a puzzle with Turkey
64. Go to a beach and lay out with Jamers (ah, to go back to San Diego)
65. Teach Demon to get shot and die
66. Clean out my closet
67. Try 10 new dishes at restaurants (1/10)
68. Fly my kite!
69. Leave a server a $50 tip =)
70. Do the splits, all three ways
71. Kiss someone at Midnight on New Years
72. Leave flowers for Grandpap
73. Go horse back riding
74. Sing Karaoke
75. Get my truck detailed (SO dirty)
76. Take a trip on a train
77. Get a motorcycle!
78. Go wakeboarding again
79. Take a photo of two people in love
80. Roast hotdogs over a campfire =)
81. Get a picture with Cosmo holding me where you can freaking see what he’s doing! (stupid freshman)
82. Play an entire game of chess
83. Make-out somewhere public where we could get caught
84. Make a necklace, anklet, and bracelet
85. Buy a French Connection T-shirt and wear it to work
86. Not get fired for T-Shirt
87. Finish The Screwtape Letters
88. Buy a bikini that makes me feel sexy
89. Do cardio twice a day for two weeks
90. See Hearst’s Castle
91. Go to the American History Museum in DC (it was closed when I lived there)
92. Dance in the moonlight to Dancing in the Moonlight
93. Learn to fly-fish
94. Kiss a man from all six inhabitable continents starting today (1/6) (North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa)
95. Get my concealed weapons permit
96. Participate in the ward book club at least 3 times (0/3)
97. Chocolate syrup and whipped cream
98. Hike Squaw Peak
99. Buy a personal laptop
100. Go to a National Park I haven’t been to before
101. Go to a GOOD rodeo

Start date: 3-5-09 End date: 12-1-11

=)

2009-02-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

You know how some days just ROCK? It was one of those days! Aside from having a teacher from the district observe me and tell me, "it was a privilege" to be in my classroom today and offer to write me a letter of recommendation should I want one (I do, the man is a legend in the Alpine Social Studies world), I'm also having one of those days where I feel freaking hott! They are not that often, but since I've been working my ass off at the gym (literally and figuratively) there have been more. And, I got a new haircut compete with a purple stripe! Yeah, it's sweet, you wish you had a purple streak.

hmm.

2009-01-23T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have several blogs that I love to follow. And fortunately about four of them post daily, but there are others that I wish posted far more often than they do. And, that made me wonder, do people actually read my blog and become disappointed when I go a month or six without posting? Most likely not, but you know, just in case . . . hello there! It's been a month, I'm sick and have been voiceless for an entire week. Try teaching without being able to talk, when no one but the government teacher knows ASL (that includes me, so I guess it doesn't matter that he can sign if I can't . . . meh). It's hard, kind of. I had to copy packets (BORING) for the kids and I get their attention by whistling and/or clapping. This method is actually working way, WAY better than I ever thought it would, and by some strange bit of luck, the kids are quieter when they're working. Maybe they they despise being clapped at, if so I'm sticking that trick in my back pocket. Actually, maybe I should sell my secret and become rich!

time out.

2008-12-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

Yup, yesterday we had two students get placed in time out. I guess this is part of being a concept school, you do things a little differently. I laughed really, really hard. =)

TAMNERS ROCKS!

2008-12-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

Hey anyone who actually reads this blog, TAMN over at Seriously so Blessed is having another spectacular give away so click the link and check it out!

http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/2008/12/on-1rst-day-of-christmas-my-moprah-gave.html

exactly one year ago today.

2008-10-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

That was the last time I saw James. I miss him.

so much.

silence, ahhhh.

2008-10-14T12:50:00.001-07:00

My fifth period is my rowdiest class. They are incapable of shutting up. Some days I handle it very well, other days they push me over the edge. Today after telling them 6 times what page to open their book to I changed my lesson plan on the fly. Instead of the super easy mapping activity with colored pencils they will now read and answer questions, while on silence! Okay, first I asked them to raise their hands if they were over 16 ALL of them did, then I asked why people who were basically adults could not follow a very simple direction. one of the students told me it was because they were immature, had selective hearing, and didn't want to. I asked how well they thought that was going to work out for them today, they said not well seeing as they could tell I was pissed.

They were right. But, the silence is SO golden.

huh.

2008-10-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the plan to not tell him lasted until I saw him tonight . . .

Think I'm weak, I don't care! It was necessary to explain a few things. Plan schmam, humph.

"there is wishful thinking in hell as on earth."

2008-10-12T23:10:00.000-07:00

And, let's face it, sometimes what we are going through on earth is hell, but still the wishful thinking remains. I have chosen in my 24 years to make my dating life as awkward/difficult as possible. The latest in the line having a missionary on a two-year mission where our only communication is through letters while dating another guy (both knew about each other). That has been going on for 10 months, but it stopped when the guy here ended our relationship Thursday evening.

We had gone to an office party (his) where I had to meet a bunch of people, for me meeting new people is stressful and I'd rather just stick in my little box and say screw the world, its even worse when you are meeting people that you feel its important to make a good impression on. After the party we came back to my house and watched a TV show on DVD, cuddled, etc., and then suddenly he says, "Has anything changed with - - - - -?"

"Do you mean am I still in love with him?"

"yes"

"yes"

It was all down hill from there ending with me wanting to know if things were the same with the missionary before I could really pick one or the other and him not interested in hanging around another year to find out. I understand where he's coming from, but I also hate where he's coming from because I'm in love with him as well, but it doesn't change that I want to see the other guy. I never really believed you could be in love with two men at once and I think that is why it took me so long to realize the extent of my feelings for the second guy. Here's the tricky part, he doesn't know that I love him because I never had the chance to tell him and it does nothing to help either of us out, it just adds another sick twist to my soap opera and I'm interested in moving into a classier category.

I want him back. I feel empty like I did when the missionary left. I'm tired of having a sucky love life. The only real solution I've come up with is me getting to keep them both. I know you're thinking that sounds mildly selfish and a lot illegal, but my theory is that first I start a new religion in which I can have two husbands (men did this forever, or in several different time periods, so I feel like I should get a shot) and then we could just live quietly and not be creepy or brainwash little kids like the polygamists. I'm postivive that if those people can fly under the radar I can too. Sure I have to figure out how this factors into my true faith, but this plan is my wishful thinking on earth, the earth that very recently became hell.

good lord, I work at a junior high.

2008-09-17T14:19:00.000-07:00

EXPLICIT LANGUAGE WILL FOLLOW

For those who do not know me well I do curse, I try to control it to a point, but when I am pissed it flows forth.

In reality I'm not sure how long I can keep teaching, I don't wake up feeling excited to go to work, mostly I wake up resigned. I don't know if this is because I work at a concept school with at risk youth, or if I would feel the same in a main stream school with an honors class or two. I don't know, wish I did. I loved teaching in D.C., but maybe I just loved D.C. so much it didn't matter what else was happening. Most days I like teaching okay, but there are days when I never want to come back again. Today, is almost one of those days.

Basically I'm annoyed and disgusted by the drama that happens in my school. It feels like I have been transported back to sixth grade because after that kids usually start to mature and use common sense, not at this school. Right now we have about 65 students ranging between 14 and 19 years old, emotionally most of them are coming up on 12. Here's today's particular drama. Sam and Jen broke up and now Jen is with Sammie (note the similar yet different names, while they are changed it is reflective of the real names), who is a poser/compulsive liar/whiner/worthless sack of shit. Who wouldn't want to be with a boy like that?!?! In fairness Sam isn't exactly a real winner either, but he is a much nicer person than Sammie, and less of a pain in the ass in class (HUGE factor in teachers' favorites poll). Sam seems to really be at least somewhat involved in a gang, Sammie couldn't bang if his life depended on it he'd get the shit beat out of him on an hourly basis; but doing and pretending so one can look cool are two very different things. Sammie has people convinced that he is, in fact, involved in a gang that is a rival of Sam's gang.

So while the boys battle a little bit about Jen they stick more to gang stuff. Except, Sam seems to actually be trying to stay out of trouble while Sammie just wants to look big. Sammie and company were yelling things during 5th period that mean ______ killer and Sam, who was in my class ignored it for the first little bit before getting pissed and saying that he wasn't yelling _____ killer at them so what the . . . (at that point I lost interest and he started cursing [not allowed in my class] so I don't feel like typing it out). So I closed the door and the teacher from next door took Sammie to visit the vice principal. Next thing I know Junior, who always wants to be involved so he can look cool, comes back from getting a drink to relay two messages, "Sam, Jen says if you don't shut your mouth you're going to be in even deeper shit than you are already." and "Jose says he's waiting for you." Splendid. So I have to leave my class to regulate in the hallway where Jen is sitting outside the class she is in doing nothing with the door closed. Does anyone see a problem with that!?!? What the hell? These kids are NEVER supposed to be unsupervised, thanks lazy-ass teacher. And Jose is talking to her holding a hall pass. So I ask where he is supposed to be and he shows me the hall pass. "That's not what I asked, whose class are you in, Jack's?" He finally admits that is where he is supposed to be so I open the door to Jen's class and inform the teacher that Jen needs to come inside because she is sending threatening messages to students in my class. Jen cursed some, I think she said it was bullshit, I thought, "funny I was thinking the same thing." Then I took Jose back to Jack's and it turns out he only had permission to go to the bathroom (no where near my room or where Jen had been) so his teacher was ticked and told him that if he so much as heard a rumor that Sammie or Jose had even talked to Sam he would make sure they were suspended. Two down.

I then go back to my room and I am so annoyed that it is radiating off of me and one of the kids goes, "you look mad."

"I am pissed! I feel like I work at a freaking middle school with all this drama, it's bullshit! I picked high school so I could come and teach, this day has been pathetic, have you even learned anything today?!?!? *stunned silence*

"Yes" in unison.

"Name one thing." *more silence*

"They had pretty crappy houses in the 1600's." I laughed, but I also hung my head.

the dance

2008-09-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

I have no photo to accompany this, but I really wish I did. Each night there is a hilarious little dance that happens at my house. The dance consists of Jamie chasing Demon around trying to pick him up while he darts around like a humming bird trying to avoid her, all the while she is yelling, "I just want to love you!" I usually just stand there and laugh, but last night I had mercy on her and suggested she corner him in a room, low and behold she got him =).

It might seem silly, but little things like that are what make life good. Just like I look forward to the two day drive I take every year in the summer with my grandmother and aunt to the Oregon Coast literally all year, I laugh so much those two days. And, I control the radio. That seems dumb, but I'm the youngest of not only my immediate family, but also my extended one so control over anything with them is a big damn deal.

Anyway, the point is I don't need huge things that make me smile, to make me happy, or to make me realize that I have a good life. What I need are all the little things, like the nightly dance.

helper dog!

2008-09-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

Most dogs can just be in the way when you are trying to accomplish things, I'm SO lucky my dog isn't like that. This is from Monday night while Demon helps Dan put together Jamie's dresser. Dan was incredibly grateful for the assistance. =)

little devil update.

2008-08-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

This is Demon attacking my mother's 32pd jack russel. 1 and 1/2 pds vs 32pds . . . so even

Can I just say that I LOVE having a dog? He is so much fun, and he's so freaking cute! All last week while I was prepping for the start of school I brought him in to work with me and he charmed everyone, but alas, I couldn't bring him once students came back so for the past two days I've left him with the music teacher at my school's wife. There are three little boys for him to play with and he comes home exhausted from a day of running around. But, when I drop him off he's so sad, he whines and squirms trying to get back to me as I leave. HOW DO MOMS EVER LEAVE THEIR KIDS AT DAYCARE?!?!?! I just want my little dog with me all the time. Don't mock me, I love my dog. And yes, I carry him around in a purse . . . but only like to the movies . . . and restaurants . . . and stores . . . okay maybe everywhere I can.

This is what I call the "fat and fluffy" picture. Its right after his bath, that's when he's fluffiest.

who needs a baby?

2008-06-27T11:51:00.000-07:00

So Demon does pretty well at night considering he is six weeks old. He usually wakes up around 10:30 pm and then sleeps until 5:40-6:00 am depending. I am tired from only being woken up twice in the night to take care of a "baby" I can't even imagine how moms do their job.

But, I think part of it has to do with moments like this, where there little guys are sleeping and look sweet and innocent. This picture is from this morning. He does not sleep the whole night in my bed, he just gets to snuggle up after his 6:00 am potty time. Seriously, how adorable it that?

puppy update

2008-06-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

I have him, he is mine! And he's so cute it is basically unreal.

why utah, WHY?!?!

2008-06-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

I would just like to know why approximately 96% of all public restrooms in Utah DO NOT have toilet seat covers? I know we're about 10 years behind the rest of the country on everything, but it feels like public hygiene should rate a little higher.

Plus I hate spending 2 minutes and 12 seconds creating the seat cover before I can pee. Sometimes I wish I was a boy . . . then I could write my name in the snow (a life-long dream) too.

DEMON

2008-06-25T13:01:00.000-07:00

This is a very exciting post because it accomplishes two things. First, Shelly showed me how to upload a photo. Second, this is my puppy, Demon!

Yea!

so really, this is my life?

2008-01-13T01:24:00.000-08:00

I haven't been on here in . . . a really long time. I guess that is because I have a tendency to only write when I am extremely happy, or extremely sad; currently I am lost, confused, and trying to come out of it all standing on both feet.

In a shocking turn of events for my life I fell in love. AND, more importantly it was with someone who loves me back with equal (until the past few months his feelings were actually stronger than mine) intensity. He makes me feel complete. I want to be a better person because of him, I want to be worthy of him, or what I think he deserves. What blows my mind is that he truly believes that I am some sort of amazing person who he is "so lucky" to have. go figure, a boy who actually loves you more than himself and wants to be sweet and giving in a relationship. (That last sentence should give you an idea of the type of male I usually am attached to.) So the happy news here is that he loves me and wants to be with me (and I with him), but the tricky part is that he received medical clearence to serve a two-year mission for our church.

First, I want to point out that it is SO important for boys to serve a mission, the lessons they learn in those two years lay an important foundation for the rest of their lives and there really is no other way to learn them. The knowledge of scriptures, learning to serve others, study habits, conflict resolution, learning to deal with people who desire nothing more than to be a mill stone around your neck; it all makes you stronger, more patient, more understanding. Besides the fact that all young men who are able are encouraged to serve missions by a living prophet of God, the man is a little important and seems to have some good things to say, almost like he was inspired or something.

Here's what sucks for me, I have already done this before. I played the missionary bingo and lost hardcore, it really is FAR better that way, had I married idiot #1 we both would have been miserable, but you would think that I would have the luck to never go through that again. Its like being struck by freaking lightening twice! Seriously, that has to have about the same odds of happening to a girl. So now here I sit, a little over two months into this two-year thing, and I worry. I worry that he will think I'm not spiritual enough, not good enough. I worry that it won't work out, honestly right now in my mind there is nothing worse, nothing, than me not being able to be with him for the rest of eternity. But what if that is not what God has planned for me? I have had strong feelings that everything will work out so that we can be together, but I am afraid to pray about something that seems so far distant to me. There is so much that can happen to affect both of our lives in the next two years.

I have been spending our time apart thus far trying to improve myself so that I can be ready when he gets back. Mostly that means trying to learn and strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father. There are some days where I think I am getting somewhere and some days where I am simply lost. I kind of figure that is how all growth and learning goes though. If I'm wrong, please don't tell me yet, let me live in my delusions for the time being that is how I'm getting by. I have also realized as I try to learn more about the gospel how stinking little I know about the gospel. And trying to be a good person is hard, no one else cares that you are trying to improve, most of the world will do nothing to help you, but everything to hinder you. That is why it is important to find friends who lift you up. James was one of those for me when he was here, and now that he is gone memories of what we shared and hopes for our future help to encourage me a lot.

I guess really, I should be happy for the difference he made in my life no matter what the eventual cost. A heartbreak over someone who means as much to me as he does might just break me. I have never felt a love for anyone the way I do about him. Having so much invested is what makes it absolutely petrifying, but what can make it so amazing . . . providing I can last and not have my head explode over worrying.

I have to let it be because I can not control it. Telling myself that over and over does not seem to help. Maybe if I just keep saying it I'll be able to do it. i have to let this be, worrying will not change how it is going and may in fact screw it all up. let it be. sleep.

Realization

2007-06-28T02:20:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been somewhere and suddenly realized that not only are you not the person you would like to be, but you are also not the person you have the potential to be and God is most likely disappointed in your lackadaisical attitude?

2007-04-16T02:55:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt like an empty shell of yourself, as though all that you knew and trusted had been ripped from inside you and dumped unceremoniously on to the ground where it was then stomped on until it no longer existed as a recognizable being, but only as an ooze that could in no way live up to or even represent the strength you thought you possessed?

changing me

2007-04-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have come to the sad realization that working at the Olive Garden has changed my opinion on a few things:
1. The more I serve people who profess to be a part of my religion the less I want to be a part of it.
2. My desire to have children has a direct negative correlation with the amount of time I work at the Olive Garden.
3. There is a similar correlation with my desire to ever be pregnant and the number of pregnant ladies I work with/serve/come into contact with/see.

? ? ?

2007-04-06T01:02:00.000-07:00

I hate the emotional roller coaster that is my life. I should know from past experience that anytime I am creeping steadily higher and my happiness rate soars that I am, in fact, moments away from careening down some ninety degree incline leaving not only my stomach, but also my heart behind. I understand that to appreciate good/bad, bitter/sweet, elation/depression you must experience and understand both sides or you would not be able to recognize either in your life. But, is it really necessary for me to swing from one extreme to the other, couldn't there be a slightly more balanced way of having both in my life? Please?

incandescently happy.

2007-03-21T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's a good feeling =)

dangerzone.

2007-02-25T22:02:00.000-08:00

I really just want to kiss someone right now. This is a state of mind that could get me into a lot of trouble . . . bring it on.

my pensieve

2007-02-16T01:45:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish for a pensieve so that I could take all the thoughts and memories that are troubling me and with the touch of a wand remove them from my head and release them into the swirling silver pool in the stone bowl where they would remain until I wanted to remember them, or where they could be completely forgotten, never pulled back into my conscious thoughts to cause hurt or stress. There are times when I can't sleep that I think I would give almost anything for a pensieve. The closest I can come currently, however, is this blog. This is where I try to sort out the confused mass that will not allow me rest and try to make some sense and order inside myself. Although it does not completely remove the offending thing from me it eases it. The act of writing it out fades the vivid picture inside me so that on the outside I can show a muted version of all that has happened in my life. The end result hopefully being a fairly blended and peaceful piece instead of a harsh dramatic one. I know that some of the thoughts or feelings that are recorded here don't make sense and seem very abrupt, but writing is not my medium and it really is more about removing the color from within and placing it somewhere it can swirl around, in this case my "pensieve," to lend color there and let me rest.

so this is growing up

2007-02-15T05:26:00.001-08:00

Today I had to do one of the most difficult things I have ever done. There is a man I know who is smart, funny (hilarious in fact), kind, attractive, and amazing kisser; that all said it is fairly obvious that I am extremely twitterpated with him. A few days ago I heard a rumor that another girl who is one of my favorite people in all of Utah has a crush on him. From personal observation I thought he might have mutual interest in her, but that is of course strictly speculation. Well I found out tonight that she does in fact like him so I encouraged her to do something that I think will get them one step closer to dating. I really feel that they would be a better fit for one another than he and I would; and I would far rather that people I care about be incandescently happy with someone else than merely content with me.

It still kind of sucks though.

way to fight "the man"

2007-02-12T15:53:00.000-08:00

I just went to Disneyland, which is one of my favorite places on earth, and I noticed something about the people who go there. They come from all walks of life; they are various ages, races, and socioeconomic statuses (?I don't know if that is right?). The best part about any of them, or rather my favorite variety of Disneyland patrons, are the punked out teenagers who think that the way they dress and express themselves is incredibly radical, outside the norm, and a form of protest against all that is capitalistic America. Yet these same kids have season passes to Disneyland . . . I could be wrong, but I think that somewhere along the line they missed a basic principle or two. Not that it bothers me, I derive all kinds of joy from seeing how they act on Pirates of the Caribbean and Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. Yeah, they're little anarchists let me tell ya.

explain something to me

2007-02-05T02:24:00.000-08:00

Why is it that the one boy you don't want to call is the one who does? And on the other hand, besides different fingers, there is the one boy you want to call/text/acknowledge in any way shape or from that you exist who doesn't do any of the above? Who made that rule, because I want to shoot them.

screw the world.

2007-02-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

I feel as though that is fairly self explanatory.

update, monday afternoon.

2007-01-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

Yup, still wasting time. I also went running . . . twice. simply. could. not. take. it. anymore.

Tomorrow I am going to have to sight see or something, seriously what do people do when they don't have a job?

limbo . . .

2007-01-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

So, despite what one might think its an odd place to be. I have no school, currently no job, and here I sit at 10:53 on a Monday morning wasting time on the internet. I don't know if I'll have a job soon, even though I was told before Christmas that I definitely had this job as of now, here I sit. If I can't start working in the next week I will probably end up back in Utah, which is fine, I have friends there. I should be really worried, but I have plan A, where I get to work quick, and plan B, Utah (plan B involves another cross-country trip, but one where I take my time and see a few things on the way, not gonna lie kinda excited about that). The result of that long and mildly confusing sentence is that because I have those plans I'm not scared or worried. I know it will work out the way it is supposed to and that God is directing me, he cares no matter what the rest of you think. But while I wait to see where the wind will take me . . . here I sit.

life lessons, dating file

2006-12-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

Lesson 1. A man dropping $100 to take you to the Messiah does not mean he is interested. At least not in dating seriously and when dating in D.C., cause chances are he has a girl, but they were seeing other people and have now decided to take it to the next level. Sure, why not?
Lesson 2. Timing is everything and you either have or you don't. I don't, DAMN IT. I am the Queen of poor timing and I just needed to be reminded of my title, check we're there.
Lesson 3. I am the next Sherri Dew, just not as rich or spiritual. I will die an old maid and never reach the Celestial Kingdom. Fine; heaven for climate, hell for company anyway.

quick update

2006-11-15T21:48:00.000-08:00

So I'm over it. Have you ever noticed that everything is better when its blonde, 6ft 5in, spiritual, smart, funny, and really attractive? Also gainfully employed and driven, um sign me up please!

mine, all mine

2006-11-08T11:56:00.000-08:00

I broke it off, I wanted to be just friends, I wanted to date other people and have him move on and be happy. That is what I wanted. So why do I feel physically sick now that I have my way. I got just what I wanted, so why?

to you!

2006-10-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

Hi Jon =)

um yes, peerfect.

2006-10-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a moment where you are going through your daily routine and you stop and think, "I can't believe this is my life." I have that happen all the time here, I feel like I'm living in a movie or a dream . . . I like it . . . alot.

nirvana.

2006-10-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

My teacher work sample is done and I got an A on my second portfolio for my independent study class. The world has never known a better moment than this =)

Answered Prayer

2006-10-16T20:35:00.001-07:00

This is kind of silly, but right now I am working on my teacher work sample and I have gone as far as I can without the post assessment. I was supposed to be able to get that today, but then last night we found out that there was going to be another student count and on Wednesday, the next day I would see the needed class, there is PSAT testing so no academic classes are meeting. I was really upset because the TWS is due in Utah by Tuesday and I need to mail the sucker across the country, I had no idea if it would work for me to get the post assessment on Friday and then finish and mail it in by Tuesday. So last night I prayed like crazy to have a way to get this paper from my students, then when I woke up this morning I did the same thing. Low and behold when the first period bell rang they announced that the count would start immediately instead of at third period. Long story shorter, I got the assessment and can finish!!! haPPy DaY!!! thank you Father.

life is beautiful.

2006-10-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

I realized the other day that I only write on here when I am upset as a way to vent my feelings. While this is therapeutic for me it makes me seem like an unhappy wench to anyone who reads this blog. Let me assure that other than the once a month or so that I have to whine about my trials my life is beautiful. For example the other day when I was eating lunch in Georgetown I could not believe that this is the life I have been blest to live. The school where I am teaching is full of amazing students who are all talented and love life. We had P-Diddy come and give an assembly and the best part were the student performances. Who has that happen during their student teaching?!?

Also on a side note I finished the class work for my independent study class so all I have to do is take the final and I am done! Looks like I will graduate in December!!!

update . . .

2006-09-26T16:08:00.001-07:00

I hate life.

feelings, nothing more than

2006-09-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been at a point in your life where you are not sure was it is that you want? I feel like that now. I have a great guy who cares a lot about me and when I don't talk to him on a daily basis I miss it, but I don't feel like I should be with him. I don't know if I am trying to hold out for something I deem better or if I just am to blind or stubborn to see that we fit. But if we do indeed "fit" why do I feel that something is wrong or missing. I did date this man for a month or so this summer and I discovered that he has the ability to hurt me faster than anyone else I know right now, for example once he teased me about a kiss I gave him, I told him to teach me what he would like better but he wouldn't. Now I have never had any complaints in the past so I was surprised, but tried to work out a solution which he didn't want. There were some other personal views that didn't really line up and it came down to feeling like he was trying to change me into what he felt was a person worthy to date him. Well if he had problems with who I was why did he start dating me in the first place? Then I pray about the relationship and feel that we should be friends and I move away, which was always part of the plan. Now I am out in Virginia and realizing that I miss it when I don't talk to him, but I had decided that I did not want to rethink anything until I was back in Utah, but he can't handle that so he asks if I am really not interested anymore, well the first time I didn't know because I really had not thought on it at all, so that is what I told him. The second time I had pondered and realized that right now while I value him as one of my best and favorite friends I don't miss him the way he misses me. Of course he wanted to know why I didn't just say that the first time, but I didn't know it the first time so how could I have possibly let him know it? He had to force the issue, maybe in three months had I analyzed it things would have been different, but he couldn't wait. Now I have to wait and see if I still have a friend or if I lost that too. He told me once I get over things, and people quickly, I am not sure if that was meant to hurt me, but it did. And I don't agree with him.

holy hell.

2006-08-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

I am moving across the country . . . TOMORROW!! . . . I have pretty much just been excited up to this point, but I woke up this morning FREAKED OUT. I have this nervous ball which has taken up residence in my stomach . . . just thought I would share.

Boys suck.

2006-07-02T03:18:00.000-07:00

For all of you who think that sounds bitter, piss off, this is MY blog and I get to sound however I want. I am young and innocent I have recently come to accept that, but that aside my 22 years have not equipped me with the knowledge to understand or deal well with the opposite sex. Why is it that when things seem to be going well, he's calling, you hang out a lot suddenly there is a weird vibe and instead of cuddling you are on separate couches. *SUCK* What erks me most is that this particular guy has done this to me before, like a month ago, how in holy hell did I get here again?!? The best relationship I have to date is with what has been jokingly termed my "fake boyfriend," a term which kind of makes me sad, but I have learned to cope. I feel frustrated and *insert word here, because I can't think of one that does justice to my true feelings.* I just went for a run to try and vent, I got back at 4am for those who were wondering and I still don't feel calm enough to shower and go to sleep. I hate this feeling, but much more I really dislike the cause of it. I might be taking a break from boys for a while to sort out my position on their worthiness to roam the earth . . . like an hour or two.

Thank you Lord for the Rodeo

2006-06-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

I would just like to take this moment to thank God for two of his finest creations, the cowboy and wranglers. You might be wondering what brought on this declaration and the answer is the Pleasant Grove Strawberry days Rodeo. I went on a date to said rodeo this evening and while the guy was nice I am not interested, however should any of tonight contestants want to give me a call sometime . . .. No seriously Rodeos are a great place to admire many great, good-looking expamles of manhood *sigh* someone sign me up, where can I get me one of those!?!

WRANGLER BUTTS DRIVE ME NUTS!!!

Utah sucks, no maybe its just mormons

2006-06-11T22:03:00.001-07:00

So I serve at the Olive Garden here in Provo which one would think is not that bad of a gig. And it isn't really, I love the people I work with and most of the time I enjoy my tables. There is one trend however, that I have began to notice about the guests, the majority don't tip. Okay they do, but its like 10%. In California people would be embarrassed to do that here they think its normal. WRONG!!! Maybe I wouldn't mind so much if I made more than $2.13 an hour, which in case you're interested only covers taxes so my checks come with a lovely pattern of VOID decorating every inch of their surface. At least I haven't been stiffed since my first day of training. I guess the tips could be worse, but let's face it not much. And I'm not gonna lie, every time someone orders alcohol I get excited because I know that a decent tip will come off that table. So you see that cheap mormons have led me to a life where I encourage others to drink away their worries, and I recommend it too . . .

the experiment

2006-06-10T23:18:00.000-07:00

So I signed up for this solely so I could comment on Shark's blog so this may well be the first and last post, but we will see, time will tell, and all that rot. I should be preparing for the lesson I have to teach tomorrow in Relief Society, but I am doing this instead. I am sure that when I am trapped in my personal version of outer darkness (which involves a trip to Wal-Mart) I will regret that I wasted this time that could have been spent strengthening my spirit and therefore saving my soul. But everythings a trade off now isn't it.

If you think the name of this blog a little odd you are not alone, it is a bit of an inside joke among the roommates and my gmail account. And oddly enough it is always available so I don't have to play the create a name game for an hour before I open a new account. I hate that game.